| dreams, rather disturbing. |
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| 02:48pm 21/03/2010 |
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This dream was probably the closest to having a nightmare that I can have, as I don't have nightmares, I have survival/horror adventures. :p
the part that I remember, and sticks out in my mind was this one where I am in this cottage/shack, and I am hiding in a small room, or broom closet, or pantry. Someone is in the room with me, and it is small. I crack open the door and this large man with an ice cream scoop was there, and so was some child. He was crazy. He was threatening the child with the ice cream scoop. strange. He knows that I am there, watching. the instant he starts to look as though he were attacking the child, I run out and stop him, but he decides to try to take a swing at me. I easily dodge, as he is fat and slow, but strong. I then get the instinct to claw at him, and I notice my forearms had lengthened, and my hands and fingers had as well, kind of similar in proportion to the opera singer antagonist from Parasite Eve.
my claws easily cleave through his flesh. and the child is safe. I am suddenly back inside the pantry.
the scenario had reset. apparently I didn't do it right, and could not proceed in time until this scenario had been corrected. so, after 3 times where I had successfully destroyed that large brute, and 2 not so successful ones where he had slain me, I get distracted by the woman in the pantry with me. she keeps asking what he is saying, and before I knew it, the voices of the man and child had begun to get louder; the man's began to get delirious, and the child became terrified, screaming.
and it happened. the man began to stab the child with the ice cream scoop. the child was screaming it's death cries. the noise the ice cream scoop made was just painful to hear. I then went out and made to gut him with my talons, but he had become faster, and pinned me against a wall. I wiggled out, slid between his legs, and stabbed him through the spine and into the wall with my fingers.
this was the correct scenario. the child had to die for a reason that I didn't know, and yet, the woman that was inside the closet didn't acknowledge that I was present for the events that happened. she draped a shower curtain over the child and dragged it to the pantry. I go in, and for some reason, she say's, "I wouldn't look if I were you", as if I hadn't seen the child get stabbed to death.
and that's all I remember of that dream. |
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| Dream fragment... while awake-ish |
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| 07:34am 18/01/2010 |
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Also, I must tell you of the semi-lucid dream that I had while walking home. I was severely sleep deprived. you probably assumed that.
so I'm walking home, and I guess half of my brain falls asleep, because I then sense danger, and turn into a dog. a rottweiler to be precise. there are a pack of wolves encircling my doggy; she's a pit/german shepherd. things look grim. I rush in and assist her. soon, another "tribe" of wolves, who are red colored, as if a lot of burgundy hair dye fell on their backs, comes in and busies the pack that were about to rip me and my dog's throats out. the fight goes out of our line of site.
I snap out of it as I reach for the door handle. |
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| Dream fragment |
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| 01:44pm 17/01/2010 |
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my ability to re-call dreams is seriously deteriorating... and I've noticed that I've had more and more dreams that are rather private to me. I wonder if it means anything.
I had a portion of the dream that I was staying the night at my friend Mike's house, like I used to when I was young. I was playing some video game that involved Legacy of Cain mixed in with Star Wars or something. I, as cain have to dodge this alien/spider that spits acid/radiation goo/fireballs. Aliens and super-old vampires. I was in what is now Mike's room, but then the Spare room, on the god-awful pink couch (which no longer exists). I saw that there were some crackers, so I decided to build my homage to the Tower of Babel. it was freakin' high, and somehow exceeding the limits of the ceiling without going through the ceiling. I was watching this video of someone making a similar construction, except the person somehow made it look like it was millions of stories up, and had a camera following a coke can as it was dropped from the top. anyways, at some point during the night, I must have slept because it fast forwarded to the morning, and Dustin and Mike come into the spare room, knocking over my tower of crackers. :p
They wondered how I slept, and apparently I had slept while playing the alien/vampire game because it was on pause at a boss fight. Dustin grabs the controller and starts to play. I give him small instruction, and suddenly, we are in the game. this happens a lot; me entering the TV world that I view.
There are a tribe of people, who look like animate black spots. kind of like the tribe of people from The Maxx, who are white on Pangaea, but black in this realm. We follow Mr. Cain as he zip-lines an invisible zipline while making it look like he's being dragged through the air by a chain that has "ensnared" him. we land on what looks like a cliffside with a skull-shaped rock. the skull has horns and glowing eyesockets/mouth/nose-port. We are then taken near a cave, and stop. I peer into it, and a swarm of these black-dot creatures are inside. we are silent. "we need to find the holy word", said cain. I for some reason start to re-create my tower I made earlier, not caring of the danger.
one of the creatures looks out where we are and yells," Daddy! there are some strange people outside our door ruining our slumber party!!!"
a commotion is heard inside, as what I suppose is the "daddy" rallies up his forces and commands them to go out in full force. A seperate tribe, calling themselves the "old lady/gramma" tribe also prepare to go to war, saying "they're making their move! we must go out to defend!"
My friends call to me, as I see they have found a cave to hide in. I try to run to them, but I find that I cannot move fast. I make it inside the cave as we see these black dot creatures, some in stereotypical grandma clothes/wigs meet each other. a mighty battle ensues, as rubber chickens of various sizes are flung about.
at some other point, I am able to jump/fly about this desert/rock landscape. I go from cave to cave to seek some sort of safer shelter for my friends. I know there are snipers about, but I am quick, and they don't expect a target to be in the sky. I somehow get into this cave, with about a foot of water on the ground, and see that there is this Mario-64 like structure in the middle of the cave *which has seemed to swallow me*. It's almost a pyramid, and it is strangely well lit. I have to dodge snipers. and that portion of the dream ends.
another fragment has me going up these rocks... they are pillers in the desert that are millions of meters in the air with flat tops. some of the rocks are floating up in the sky by some unseen force. I have to traverse these rocks, as I, for some reason, must visit this temple/palace/structure that was built on this insanely unstable looking overhanging cliff that is miles in the sky. The temple has an Aztec/Chinese motif. I enter it and am greeted by what look like two people in Vietnamese clothing. I forget what I do inside, but I leave the palace, and am surprised that I am greeted by a person in an SUV. She tells me to get in, and we DRIVE on the floating rocks, the stepped pillars, all the way until we get to the main ground. dream ends. |
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| Dream fragment |
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| 12:02pm 29/12/2009 |
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Fragment one
I remember in this portion that I am in my family room, and sitting on the couch, watching some outrageous tv show. I glance over my shoulder and see a light streaking outside through the sliding glass door. It looked rather like a car's headlight. I remember," hey, there's no road access in my backyard. it's a backyard with grass, trees and a fence!"
I go out and investigate. I see some hovering eyeball with a light on it. I scream at it for some reason.
I don't know why I have a tendency to act feral in the face of something that bewilders me.
It turns around and begins to approach. I run indoors and make a dash for my bedroom. "My sword... got to make it to my sword" I remember thinking.
I now realize that a sword would probably be pretty useless against a higher intelligence, who has probably mastered energy based projectiles or something crazy like that.
a pure white light blazes outside, flooding my house with luminescence. I hear a noise. I immediately think "oh shit, they're beaming into my house!"
and they do. or it does. singular. one alien dude, with a space suite-looking armor type garment thing. I hiss and bare my fangs and claws at it.
I don't know why I have the tendency to act feral in the face of something that threatens me. maybe it's to make him think," huh, no sign of intelligent life here. just some animals."
"Hey now, settle down. I'm not here to probe you or anything"
"Not even a little?"
"Not at all. I just want tea. and maybe a place to stay"
and that's how I became roommates with an extra terrestrial. I even got to use this huge mothership-from-Independence-Day looking starship to go to the grocery store.
Second fragment
Everyone from my Sears workplace lives in my house. it was hell. everywhere I turned, my boss was there. a supervisor in my laundry room. the sales staff in my garage and everyone, even the staff that didn't smoke IRL, was smoking. the merchandise processing/receiving crew was just chillin' in my family room
I wanted to burn down my house. |
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| Tarot spread |
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| 03:50am 16/12/2009 |
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position 0: 5 of pentacles - Invert
position 1: 2 of pentacles - Invert
position 2: Knave of Pentacles - N.I.
Pos. 3: the tower - Invert
pos. 4: knave of swords - n.i.
pos. 5: the world - n.i.
pos. 6: queen of cups - invert
pos. 7: the high priest - n.i.
pos. 8: 8 of wands - invert
pos. 9: the star - n.i.
pos. 10: 4 of wands - n.i. |
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| Tarot reading recording |
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| 05:26am 11/12/2009 |
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I'm gonna try something new. I have been reading tarot for a time now, and I think I'll just put the results here for easy reference. as in I can get to it with my phone.
so this has become my Dream/Tarot journal.
array: Staff and Cross
Position: card - orientation
0: the sun - inverted
1: 10 of cups - inverted
2: 9 of cups - non inverted
3: King of Pentacles - non inverted
4: Knight of Wands - inverted
5: Knave of Swords - inverted
6: King of Pentacles - non inverted
7: King of Wands - inverted
8: Queen of Cups - non inverted
9: The World - inverted
10: Ace of Swords - non inverted |
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| heh heh. |
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| 04:55am 10/08/2009 |
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the thought of the day:
"wait... I do my own laundry now. and fuck what they think. time for something different!"
I don't think that purchasing a new style of underwear should ever have that much impact on my day like that.
I was standing in front of them, for like 15 minutes trying to decide whether or not I should purchase them until I realized this.
and then I got them.
it's been over 8 years since I have worn a "brief" style undergarment. it'll take some getting used to, but now, I have something that won't leave a visible panty line in my dance garments.
aaaand, they make my butt look cute. so there. |
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| Death Trance |
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| 01:57am 07/08/2009 |
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I have just seen the movie Death Trance; it was available on X-Box 360.
It covered pretty much all anime based cliches
Aaaand, I think the person that made Devil May Cry may have had a hand in the creation of this hyper-stylized piece.
That being said, I had fun watching it. :) |
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| Finally. |
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| 04:09am 04/08/2009 |
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I found the boots. At a Kilt website, of all places. :)
http://www.utilikilts.com/store/images/BK-Knee-High-Side.jpg
though, I didn't envision them as high. guess it'll look better with military gear.
so... the saving begins
...unless someone wants to get me something for my b-day... or an early Xmas/Yule/Kwanzaa/Solstice/Channakuh/other winter holiday where gift giving happens. call me! |
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| re: Pollen |
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| 04:50am 05/07/2009 |
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FUCK YOU GRASS POLLEN!!!
I AM NOW ONE STUFFY ACHY DRIPPY CONGESTED MESS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!
-the management- |
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| sadness. |
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| 04:36am 19/05/2009 |
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http://xianhaos.livejournal.com/81005.html
that was a picture from 4 years ago.
man, I was hott.
what happened?
apathy. that's what happened. and no access to weights or a regular workout routine.
*sigh*
well, time to start from scratch! |
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| Dream fragment |
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| 03:42am 11/05/2009 |
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Fragment 1
It was all about how this local tv station was having a contest that a group of friends of mine didn't agree with. the station was where the fire station is now currently, but in my dream, the part of 6th ave was WAY more developed and busy-ish/pretty. I guess something about a new building got them pretty angry. anyways, we walk about the gardens *yes, gardens. really pretty* around those (what I call) "Sea horse" apartments and decide to go to pt defience. we get to the chain link fence *which does not exist* and find that the entire forest is haunted. I find a V shaped branch and place it against my forehead *like I'd have horns*, and find that it sticks. I then find out that I am able to glide with it, as my hair catches the current and holds me aloft with it in. Inside the forest, we find a house, and people running from it. We go in to find that a couple ghosts are inside. I step outside for some air, but upon re-entry find out that it is people in masks. strange impossible-to-engineer masks that turn scary with the flip of a switch/push of a button. It's Mel Britt; my friend's father. I ask him where his mask is, *which he is wearing* and he laughs, saying that I'm the only one that gets away with that and not bringing up the aneurysm. I wake up.
dream fragment 2
I remember being chased around in a house/mansion. being chased by agents. I am captured and forced to do their bidding. they give me a cell phone and their ring tone is a duck quacking. Well, I go out to Seattle to make a dead-drop of a rather light package. I txt them and say that I did my deed and am on my way back. at some point, I tip off the gvt, and they raid the mansion, arresting and possibly killing all involved. I return to the neighborhood, not knowing this initially, but seeing the mansion from a distance with the doors kicked in and windows broken, I just nonchalantly mosey back home. at least until the ring tone activates. I guess that's how they were identified.
i wake up. |
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| Dream |
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| 03:38am 11/05/2009 |
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OK. This dream was from quite a while ago. I remember going across the bridge to Bremerton/Gig Harbor, and remembering that a lot of it is upscale/high class. and going even further brought me to this beach where this huge concrete structure was. almost like a ship made of cement/pebbles. It was particularly damp at this beach, and many cars were lining up single file to go into the sea. I remember that there was something rather lovecraft-esque about it, but I can't quite remember exactly.
the other scene that I remember is going back over the narrows bridge, but it has been wrecked, but not un-crossable, at least on foot, but I am flying.... and it is 10x bigger than it is in life. the lights are all on, but it's still quite dark. the fog is all around it, and I wake up. |
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| Dream |
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| 05:17am 05/05/2009 |
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okay, so from what I remember, very Silent Hill themed. in fact, I was investigating a murder, that I suspected pyramid head was behind. It starts out in this theatre that a showing of the "rocky horror picture show" was being screened. we leave, and soon, we enter a new reality/perspective/world. we find the victim on "the other side", headless, my friend Lindy saying something about how in this realm, your body is static and never rots. she was right. apparantly it had been some time since the murder, and the body was still dripping blood. Headless. There is some motion and noise off in the distance, but I can't quite discern because of the fog. and it's dark. my natural nightvision seems to make everything have a silvery tint to it. we take some notes, some pics and some evidence (finding out it's a gentleman that we rather dislike; hint: a grave situation) and leave in cutter's car. we find out the victim lives a block away from my house. we try and enter the vic's house, but find it to be impenetrable. it is somehow daylight and we have exited the other realm some time ago, but i just realize this. we get a lead somehow, saying the vic's car was last spotted at an impound-y looking grassy field with other cars. like a junk yard for cars. we leave and go there. we find the vic's car, a large blue chevy. old/weathered with washington license plates. the windows were smashed out *yet no glass on the inside of the cab*, and the doors are unlocked. I open the passenger side door, and see a bit of long brown hair trailing out from under the driver seat. I can't look, and lindy investigates. It is indeed the vic's head. And for some reason or another, it is of utmost import that we leave soon. we dash back home and I wake up. |
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| Regarding tickets to a concert: |
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| 05:16am 05/05/2009 |
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Does "Will Call" mean that they have your tix at the venue and you have to present some form of ID to get them? |
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| Dream |
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| 03:20pm 23/03/2009 |
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First dream:
I am at home. But I've moved somewhere where the population is a teensy bit more dense. Suddenly, I hear a crash and look outside. A plane with the "tide" detergent logo and color scheme has crash landed into a neighbors house. then I look to the west and another plane just drops out of the sky. this one too has the "Tide" logo and schematic.
The TV is on and reports this. just every where; Planes dropping out of the sky and crashing into my neighborhood. so I go to my backyard, which is facing the ocean and has a hollowed out beached battle ship halfway in the water and halfway resting on my yard/beach. A shot is heard and the concrete in front of me sprouts a bump of metal. I am being targeted, so I run into the steel protection of the ship.
Second dream:
I am sneaking up on this freakishly tall old woman. I mean unnaturally tall; she must be 8 feet! For some reason or another, I feel a strange animosity toward her and ambush her, jumping up and kicking her in the head. She falls down only for a split second before flying back up and throwing a bunch of balls of energy at me. But i am able to zap her with my own energy, effectively stunning her/killing her. Some children scatter from her house, which is supported by some very large chicken's feet.
She has a VERY large mortar and pestle, which I hijack: I am able to fly while inside the mortar. The pestle part seems to control steering/speed. I zoom outta there! There was also a besom/broom thing, which I don't know why I chose the mortar to fly away in, seeing as the broom is the more stereotypical thing to fly away on. I just kept a hold of it while zipping off.
I hear a goose behind me, and see that a very large flock of them are chasing me. So, I blast them too. They all turn into swans both black and white and are no longer hostile.
I fly into the backyard of my guild-mate's and park the mortar and pestle there. She is a witch *IRL as well* and is overjoyed to see a mortar and pestle that large. |
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| Little Meme |
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| 04:03am 19/03/2009 |
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Nicked from a few peeps.... Please respond, I'm interested to see what you'd say :)
There's been an accident, and my memory's been wiped. I have no recollection of who I am. Tell me about myself. What do you know about me? What kind of person am I? What are my likes and dislikes? How did we meet and how long have we known each other? Is there one thing in particular that stands out about me? Tell me who I am.
Post this in your own LJ to see what people say about you! |
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| Nikon Coolpix 8700 |
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| 08:05pm 16/03/2009 |
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* Brand Name: Nikon
* Model: 25515
* Optical Sensor Resolution: 8 MP
* optical_sensor_technology: CCD
* Optical zoom: 8 x
* maximum_aperture_range: F/2.8-4.2
* Minimum focal length: 8.9 millimeters
* Maximum focal length: 71.2 millimeters
* Lens Type: Zoom lens
* optical_sensor_size: 2/3"
* Included Flash Type: Pop-up flash
* Display Size: 1.8 inches
* light_sensitivity: ISO 100, ISO 400, ISO 200, ISO auto, ISO 50
* Image types: JPEG, TIFF, RAW
* Shooting Modes: Frame movie mode
* Exposure Control Type: Landscape, Portrait mode, Close-up, Party/indoor, Back light, Beach/snow, Night portrait, Sundown, Fireworks, Night landscape, Panorama assist, Copy
* Viewfinder Type: LCD
* Width: 4.4 inches
* Depth: 4.1 inches
* Height: 3.1 inches
* Weight: 1.1 pounds
* 8-megapixel sensor captures 3264 x 2448 images for poster-size plus print enlargements
* 8x optical zoom and 4x digital zoom (for 32x total zoom)
* Movie mode with audio; 5-shot buffer mode; fast start-up time
* Store images on CompactFlash type I/II memory cards; Microdrive compatible; no memory card included
* Powered by rechargeable lithium-ion battery (included); connects via USB 1.1
aaaaaand I own one now. |
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| A quote from I don't know where.... |
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| 04:04am 08/03/2009 |
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mood:  not as you percieve me to be
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But it's rather lovecraftian, don't you think?
"...I removed several things from my self/soul/aura today. I removed my sense of desire to be loved. It was a bright golden entity; warm and beautiful, yet too painful to hold onto, as if it were a flame... but it kept trying to regenerate. it was located in my gut, chest, groin and behind my face. The area behind my face still resists the purging... but I must continue to remove it as it comes back. Hopefully, it will exhaust.
I placed a module made of my own energies to drain it away so i wouldn't have to go astral to do it again. Then, I realized I still craved to be touched and caressed. I removed that too, as it was even more so destructive. It was located throughout my body, like a wire-y circuit, embedded throughout my being. It had to be extracted. It wasn't quite as insubstantial as my desire for love, so it sits; rolled up like a gilded chain link fence, on my bedroom floor. It took two passes to remove it entirely. It too has tried to regenerate in the intricate filigreed now-empty-patterns across my body that it had left; but it is infinitely more manageable. I was able to staunch it's regeneration with a spike of negative/black energy. The energy, once stabbed into my form filled the empty places, poisoning/medicating that which hurt. I believe that should prevent it's regrowth for now.
Then, after my nap *as these sessions leave me drained of energy, as you probably know first hand*, I realized that I still feared pain. It far was easier to remove; lifted away from my being as a blue dust via vacuum, and the vacuum being the violet/green vortex of my own toxic swirling energies.
That is probably the first time that they have helped me, rather than hindered/harmed me.
Then it came to me that the next thing was my fear of death. It was the least in abundance. It only spotted my being like a now-tipped jar of jam, only quarter filled, but as thick and sticky in substance as pitch. Each time my astral hands tried to claw at it or scoop it up, it would slither through my fingers like an accelerated quicksilver. This portion will prove difficult, but rewarding.
Later in the day, as I was going throughout my daily routine, I realized that all I could perceive that was left was the most animal-istic of instincts. I still craved touch, but in a different way. like my subconscious was at war with my personal sense of will. I still wished to be loved, but also in a different way. And I also wished to kill all those who opposed me, a feeling that I realized that was always there, but was suddenly super-conscious of. To describe how these impulses were different than they once were is not easily described, as I know this fleshly brain that I was given can only handle so much, and process even less.
This primal instinct needs also to be purged, as it too is most destructive. I saw it, for only a brief second. It was a bright, orange, spiny cluster, shuddering with the knowledge that I was suddenly aware of it and able to subdue it. It knows that it's days are numbered, and it takes residence in my crown and abdomen.
Only then, will I be able to be able to reach internal peace; free from suffering, and free from desire; free from the cycle of reincarnation.
my work is cut out for me."
probably the most sterile, direct *and a bit too literal* form of Buddhism and Nirvana (the state of being, not the band, people) I've ever transcribed, filled with metaphors and hints at psy/chi vampirism.
oooh, btw, I got satin sheets in black and red. comfy nights sleep, here I come! |
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xianhaos's journal
